Responding to My Own Emotions

An emotion that I tend to invalidate in myself, and I often struggle to accept and express, is fear. I dissociate quickly when fear or anxiety set in. I don’t like dealing with either, and my response shows it. Granted, most people don’t like expressing, accepting, and validating fear or anxiety. It seems almost counterintuitive, but if we aren’t responding to these emotions they will go unanswered and continually rise. They may even worsen over time until they are almost crippling, if not crippling.

Beliefs that come up about fear or anxiety that I have include the belief that I’m weak because I am feeling it or experiencing it. It’s a rough ride, but I remember being told to just stop being afraid. As if there is a switch once you reach a certain age, particularly as a boy and young man this was stressed. I had my teachers, my parents, and a litany of other adults consistently tell me that I should not be experiencing fear or anxiety, so I learned to ignore through dissociation. I’m still constantly told that fear and anxiety are not manly, like I care about my manliness, but instead I should be brave and face whatever it is head-on. That’s not fair, fear is a result of evolution and keeps us alive in a variety of situations, just like it did for our ancestors. However, here is the huge but, fear and anxiety should not run the show. I have two extremes, deny it, or let it captain the ship. I have not quite made it to the point where I can go through my fear or anxiety without pushing away or assuming their pointless. Not only that, but I need to find that balance and taste it to make it routine.

So, what can I say or think that will help me the next time fear or anxiety come up? I don’t remember where I saw it, but it was “be afraid, but do it anyway.” Truly, it is my belief that by allowing the fear to happen and still do what I am fearing is the only way to break the pattern of dissociation. I CAN be afraid, and I CAN still do it!